• Church Pew Slay

No Friends for 6 Years. Here’s What I’ve learned.

Geesh I hate click bait headlines, but please bear with me. Yes, I do have friends – sort of anyway.

I grew up in the great state of Texas. My mom and dad are there along with every single friend I’ve ever had in my entire life. However, in 2013 my husband and I had this bright idea to move 1,200 miles away to a place where we didn’t know a single soul. No family. No friends. Just us, our two kids and the GPS.

About a month after we had settled in, I found out that I was pregnant with our third child. So when you do the math, I was miserably pregnant for close to a year - sick, big, bigger, biggest, tired, tireder and tiredest. Then, I had the awesome task of spending all my free time with my sweet newborn who chose to never sleep, followed closely by years of a crazy toddler. Going out to networking events, finding niche social circles and just hanging out to find friends wasn’t even a possibility for me for a couple of years.

Now as for the next four years, I have no excuse other than the fact that I’ve just been lazy and a bit protective of my space. When I get off work and even on the weekend, my couch be looking real always-ish. We know each other well.

Over the last 6 years, I’ve learned a few things. No, I'm not going to tell you to drop all your friends, or that this has been easy for me in any way shape or form. It's been frustrating, and a bit lonely, but I've become a much better person and here's why. I'VE LEARNED THAT…

…friends are like puzzle pieces. Not everyone will fit.

I tried to form relationships here and there, but things just didn't feel right. I figured out that friends are like puzzle pieces. There's big puzzles, and there are small puzzles. Huge groups and small cliques. However, everyone's not going to fit because well... they’re not supposed to.

We all go through it in life, particularly during our childhood – doing almost whatever it took to just fit in – especially with regard to people we deemed as popular or important. But God didn't design us to contort to everyone's likes and dislikes, choices, preferences and ways of life. It distorts the true us. Trying to fit a place not designed for your soul hurts.

Me do that now? Naaah I’m good son. There are over 3,000 varieties of tea in the world, so it's natural that you will not be everyone’s cup of tea. And here’s the best part of all, - that’s ok. You’re still worthy.

…I’m much more apt to take risks.

With no one in my ear giving me daily advice. No one taking up my time going to the mall doing fun stuff. No one helping me stay put in my comfort zone. With no one to consult and make hard decisions with, I ended up taking risks I would have never considered before.

I went shopping alone. I ate alone. I spent time with me, myself and I, alone. I conjured up hard goals for myself with no one cheering me on or telling me no. And you know what happened?